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4. The Annals of Current Events: What’s in a slap? (snowflake alert: this may offend some people)

Right about now you’re thinking ‘not another post about Will Smith slapping Chris Rick.’

People are putting up memes everywhere on social media making comic light of Will Smith’s white glove free chivalry. Maybe they think making fun of someone’s wife was taking it too far so a slap was okay? Who knows.

But yes, that’s what this is, another post about Will Smith slapping Chris Rick…but with a twist. See, since they’re making such light about Will Smith slapping Chris Rock in the face, as if being slapped in the face is funny, I’m tackling it as blog post #1 and going to look into history a bit.

And while ‘researching’ history on face slaps, I’ve learned Will Smith sent an Instagram apology to Chris Rock before tearfully resigning from The Academy of Motion Pictures (what happened to tearful apologies and stoic resignations?).

At last, I have come up with inaccurate, and thoroughly fictional accounts of what may have been said by three of the history’s most famous men on the subject; Jesus Christ, Mohandas K. Gandhi, and Martin Luther King Jr. So suspend your disbelief for a moment and read on.

Jesus Christ: Slap one cheek my brother, and I shall turn for you to slap the other.

For any of you out there unfamiliar with the Bible, this is what the Disciples attest He said, or something like that. I’m starting with Him, not because I’m Catholic and should, but because he may be the only person to have said it and really meant it. So, Will Smith, if you’re reading this, God ‘tolerates’ being slapped in the face, but I’m pretty sure from the paraphrase he did not dig it.

Mohandas K. Gandhi: I was never slapped in the face really, get your history straight man; I was thrown off a train. I’d maybe rather been slapped because getting tossed off a rail was bloody uncomfortable. It ruined a nice suit, and rather injured my feelings. I would not recommend it for my worst enemy, and it bloody got me going as to what I’d do with my time on this planet, aside to being a vegetarian. 

Again, these were not actual quotes from the historical figures, just an amateur historians’ take. Had I access to their histories maybe I’d be more accurate, but I don’t at this time. In fact, I’m not sure anyone knows what Gandhi said after being tossed but Gandhi.

Martin Luther King Jr.: So I’m out in this department store in Atlanta, and there’s this white lady looing at me. So, what did I do? I smiled back and say hello. Out of nowhere, this bitch up and raises her hand and whacks me across the face. Oh man did my guts burn. That’s what I get for saying hello to a white person? Who the f$%^ do they think they are?

That last one is mostly true. MLK was slapped in the face by a white woman, mainly because he was out of place in a department store. Yet in the end he changed history, helped bring down the Jim Crow laws, and had countless avenues, schools, and buildings named after him. Was it just because a racist slapped him? Well, no, because then that anonymous bigot would get the credit.

In my opinion, the last example is probably most similar to what any man or woman would feel after being slapped, angry and in no mood to joke. Yet, the mensch he is, Chris Rock soldiered on in a sterling episode of professionalism most reading this will witness few times in their life.

So what have we learned being slapped in the face does to someone?  We can conclude from our studies it may do good things, but this is not due to the character qualities of the assailant. Oh yeah, also human beings don’t like it, and I’m sure Chris Rock did not like it either. Sure, he smiled, and got on with his job, and life, but I would not be surprised if it has affected him in a profound manner. We may even see a radically different version of Chris in the future, not Nat-x, but maybe a more serious, wiser Chris, and possibly a leader. He is in the club now, and in a rarified air, if that’s the right expression; maybe the only person who can say he went it through it in front of millions of people, live.

Being subject to a deliberate insult designed to humiliate and cause minor physical pain sucks, and to make comic light of this? I would not dare laugh. But okay, if you want to you smile about it, I suppose you can. Will Smith sure did.

The Editorial Staff at Mitten-Maid

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